yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
