whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
