Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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