i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
