She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
