Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
