the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
