I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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