It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
false alarm. still invincible.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
