yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
