I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Say something about gay babies.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
