Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
