he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
