I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
