He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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