dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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