Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
