and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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