she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
