So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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