just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
