Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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