Quick, to the slutcave!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
