Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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