It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
