also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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