You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
