i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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