my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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