i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
