We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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