I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
