Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
