He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
