I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
