I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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