She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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