I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
