singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
