he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
