New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
