I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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