I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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