so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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