i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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