Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
