the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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