So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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