i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
