Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
