You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
