I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I could make wine with my vomit
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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