If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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