New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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