Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
