med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't put those talents on a resume
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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